Update: We are a binational gay couple living in Toronto formerly in NJ, USA. We struggled for 6 years just to remain together. In early 2006 we were inspired to apply for residency in Canada because we yearned to be free, equal and safe from the tyranny of the right. This blog will be a mix of our immigration process, our daily lives and topics of interest like politics and religion. (Photo; personal; "Dating back in NYC 2002") Read Tom & Emilio's Blog "Canadian Hope" http://canadianhope.blogspot.com/



Previous: Tom met Emilio in 2002 and they have built a wonderful home together in New Jersey where Emilio has been welcomed into Tom’s family as their own. Emilio currently is in deportation proceedings. The final hearing on his deportation process, due in October, was stayed until February. Even though they are both ready to leave the United States at a moment's notice, such a thing will crush both of them. Tom, deeply committed to his family, would be emotionally torn by the separation from his loved ones in the U.S. They live in limbo now, since there is very little they can do to alter the circumstances they live in. Just waiting seems to be their approach, and they are keen on spending as much time as possible together. Read More [1] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/tomemilo.htm [2] Human Rights Watch; Publication: Family, Unvalued Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. May 2006 ISBN:1-56432-336-6 Link: http://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/6.htm#_Toc132691972 (photo: Through Thick & Thin)

Tags: USA, Canada, Venezuela

I am a gay man, US citizen, 38 years old and I currently reside in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. I am in a same-sex relationship with the love of my life. He is a German citizen and 33 years old.

We first met in 2000 in San Francisco, California. Long story short, we ended up in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, but want to return to California, but we cannot due to discriminatory US immigration laws. Read about James and Matt on their blog American in Amsterdam Gay U.S. Citizen living in exile due to discriminatory U.S. immigration laws. http://jamesonthecanal.blogspot.com (Photo; personal; "This is a pic of me, my partner is purposefully left out.")

Tags: USA, The Netherlands

I am a US Citizen from North Carolina. I had never travelled far from my home State until I met my partner who happened to be a Chinese-Indonesian. I met him when I went to a barber school in 2000 and we have been together since. He tried to get a political asylum in 2002 on the ground of being gay in the most populous Moslem country. We hired a lawyer to represent us. We spent thousands of dollars and finally got interviewed in DC in 2003 but they could not decide whether to give him or not. They let the court to decide. We asked our lawyer what our chance was if we want to proceed with the court. Our lawyer said that our chance to get it in court probably just 3%. Since we only had 3% chance and the lawyer also asked for another $10,000 if we proceed. We decided not to proceed and my partner left the country voluntarily. We just had our Holy Union in our Church. We were devastated. He left The US in October 2003. We tried to move to Canada but since we did not have any relatives or job offers, it would be difficult. We were separated almost 2 years but in between I had a chance to visit him in Indonesia and tried to find a job there. Finally I found a job and moved to Indonesia in 2005 until now. I cannot believe that we have been together for 9 years now. We are still looking to move to another country. A year ago we start the process immigrating to Canada.

It is not easy to be a gay couple here in Indonesia but we manage to do it until now. We do not want to be separated anymore. Those 2 years being separated were horrible years for us. We need help but we do not know who can help us. Even my own country cannot help me. We are thankful that God still let us to be together until now and our Hope is just in Him. (Photo: We are very discreet, can't show real picture.)

Tags: USA, Indonesia

Katharine Ebensteiner of Renton and her partner, Fabienne "Fei" Ruttimann, who lives in Switzerland, don't see any good options for them to live together in the United States. The women met in 2004 when both were enrolled in a studies-abroad program in Japan. On the walls of Ebensteiner's apartment are numerous photographs of Ruttimann and of the two women together.

Ebensteiner, 25, who works as a staff technician with a geotech engineering firm, said the relationship is the first real one she's had, and she knows that Ruttimann, 26, who will graduate from college in Switzerland next year, is the woman she wants to spend her life with. But the two have spent the past two years trying to figure out how to make that happen. "We get no training in high school about how to get your partner into the country," she said.

Immigration lottery. They are trying their luck with the immigration lottery, a long-shot, luck-of-the-draw system for awarding 55,000 green cards out of some 6 million applications worldwide each year. Ultimately, they believe, they'll have to relocate to Canada.

In the ongoing debate over immigration, she's been surprised to find cases like hers have received no attention. "Whenever I hear a report about immigration on the radio, on TV, I listen closely. ... "There's never any mention of this. It's pretty frustrating." Read story, "Gays find a struggle bringing partners into U.S.", Seattle Times.

(Photo: Personal, Katharine Ebensteiner, right, is trying the immigration lottery as a long-shot chance of getting a green card for her partner, Fabienne "Fei" Ruttimann. Seattle Times; 2007)

Tags: USA, Switzerland, Canada

American Gordon Stewart stands in his gutted London flat that he hopes will be a home for him and his Brazilian partner, Marcos, who isn't allowed to enter the U.S. Stewart's employer, Pfizer, has helped make it possible for them to live together in London, where Marcos has the right to work and health-care benefits.

A U.S. citizen, the 47-year-old Pfizer marketing exec had planned to live and work in New York until he retired. His parents are deceased, and his sisters and brother, nieces and nephews live in the U.S., as do most of his life-long friends.

When Marcos called Stewart from São Paulo to tell him his routine student-visa renewal turned out to be anything but, Stewart had worked for Pfizer for more than seven years.

Marcos' student visa wasn't renewed, they were told, because the consulate didn't think he was in the U.S. as a legitimate student. He wasn't married, he was nearing 40, and Stewart, his financial sponsor, wasn't married and was over 40.

It took time. And over the next 17 months, Stewart flew to Brazil 34 times. Eventually he was offered a position in England. His partner could move there and join him, legally. In 2005, Stewart and Marcos moved to London. Neither is a U.K. citizen.

"The outrage is the amount of taxes you as an American have to pay and then your partner isn't even allowed to come here," says Stewart. Read story, Immigration law divides gay couples, Partners left to make painful choice By Lisa Kennedy, The Denver Post.

(Photo: by Cate Gillon, Getty Images. "I still hope that one day we'll have the choice to live in the U.S.," says Gordon Stewart. )

Tags: USA, Brazil, United Kingdom

Abbie Green and Sandra Campuzano sit at Denny's drinking cup after cup of coffee, talking about the twists that have led them here to Chihuahua. A million miles from where they want to be.

[In 1999], this couple — Green a U.S. citizen, Campuzano, a Mexican — met in cyberspace. Over time, their lives have taken on the feel of a virtual unreality.

Theirs is a story of trials and desperation, working every angle to obtain the required visas that will allow them to stay together. Along the way they have given up homes and jobs, found new owners for beloved pets. They have moved far from family and friends, then relocated a parent and grandparent to be near them, only to have to leave again.

They have gone from Phoenix, where they had hoped to make a life, to Canada, a country that welcomes same-gender partners, to Chihuahua, where they are struggling to get a T-shirt shop off the ground — all so they can live together legally in a way that makes economic sense. Read story, Immigration law divides gay couples, Partners left to make painful choice By Lisa Kennedy, The Denver Post.

(Photo: by RJ Sangosti, The Denver Post. Sandra Veronica Campuzano Trevizo, left, and partner Abbie Green share an emotional moment this month outside their apartment in Chihuahua, Mexico. The couple has gone from Phoenix to Canada to Chihuahua in an effort to stay together legally.)

Tags: USA, Mexico, Canada

Bryan (left) and Roger were married two years ago in the U.K. where gay marriage is legal. The previously binational couple has been together for 15 years. Even an ocean couldn't keep these love 'mos apart. Bryan is from New York City and Roger is a resident of the U.K. To the left is their official wedding announcement photo.

Find Bryan and Roger's story on about.com's "gay life" gallery by Ramon Johnson. (Photo: Personal, Bryan Murphy)

Tags: USA, UK

One loving family torn apart from two different countries.
America & United Kingdom.
Two loving dads.
Two Daughters.
Then we came back to the UK...
And we became homeless.
We're still fighting to stay together!
Leaving...but, we're forced to say goodbye.
Please help support UAFA (Uniting American Families Act)
And keep families together!

Same sex couples if one's from America and the others from another country are not allowed to live together! the UAFA will allow them to have the same rights ....please support this cause.

Tags: USA, United Kingdom

Like many married couples, Pamela Hathaway and Lucie Ferrari chat and plan their day over their morning coffee. Unlike most spouses, they have to do so using videoconferencing, Skype calls over the Web or a telephone because they cannot legally be together.

Hathaway, 32, is a U.S. citizen. Ferrari, 40, is a French citizen whose work visa ran out a year ago, forcing her to quit her job as a teacher in Sun Prairie and leave the country. The couple married in Canada in January, but U.S. immigration policy doesn't recognize same-sex couples, even ones that have been legally married, so Hathaway cannot sponsor Ferrari for U.S. immigration.

So Ferrari calls Hathaway at their Madison home from more than 2,000 miles away in Vanderhoof, British Columbia, where she moved a year ago to teach French.

Hathaway shows Ferrari their three cats here in Madison or carries her laptop into the backyard to show progress in their garden. Sometimes, Hathaway said, one of them will decide to start dishes or laundry while they chat and the other will do the same so they feel like they're doing it "together."

"We try and bring some normalcy to our situation," Hathaway said. "But what's become normal now is really absurd if you think about it." Read story, "Immigration law separates same-sex couple" by Melanie Conklin, Wisconsin State Journal.

(Photo: Personal; Lucie Ferrari, left, and her partner Pamela Hathaway, who have been separated by U.S. immigration policy that does not allow U.S. citizens to sponsor their same-sex partners. The couple were married in Canada in January.)

Tags: USA, France, Canada

"Why I came here - Eleanor & Fumiko" Canada Embraces Love Exiles. Lesbians put down roots after 22 years in Limbo." Eleanor Batchelder, an American, and Fumiko Ohno of Tokyo lived that reality for 22 years until a year ago January, when the lesbian couple landed as permanent residents in Toronto – one of many "love exiles" settling here.
Same-sex marriages are legal in the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Norway and South Africa, but these jurisdictions stipulate that at least one person in the partnership be a resident or citizen. Canada is unique because its immigration policy allows non-national gay couples – whether they are married or in a common-law relationship – to immigrate here legally.
Ohno, 60, fluent in Spanish, met Batchelder, 68, in 1986 while on a trip to New York. The two were just friends initially; Ohno knew Batchelder had three children and didn't expect her to be a lesbian. The rest is history. Read article Toronto Star - Watch Video

Tags: USA, Japan, Canada

Moving to a new place is never easy, and moving to a new country is even more difficult. I didn't want to leave the USA. However, to be with my same-sex partner of over 10 years, I had to make a choice--move to her home country of England, move to Canada where we are legally married, or break up. We chose Canada. This blog details the experiences I've had since moving to Canada, a country that is supposedly so similar to the US, but in reality is vastly different.

Ever since Sarah and I met in 1998, the US government could not have cared less about immigration rights for same-sex bi-national couples. Every year, bills were introduced to try to remedy the unfair and painful situations that so many of us experienced, but every year, Republicans ensured that these bills never left the committee room.

After all Sarah and I have been through, all the pain, separation, and expense, there is no way I can express how wonderful it feels to see our plight acknowledged in a formal government forum. So, I won't try.

Bi-national couples have long been the forgotten children of the gay-rights movement. However, we suffer just as much, if not more than the other GLBT Americans who are disadvantaged. We are the ones who are faced with the choice of having to move out of the US or be separated from our family members. Read more... "My Life in Exile de Facto" (photo: personal; at a soccer stadium in England; Mary and Sarah together since: 1998)

Tags: USA, Canada, England

The first two months of our lives together started out as what may resemble a typical love story. But suddenly we were catapulted into a world which is unfamiliar to most Americans.

Marco and I met on the internet. It's hard to explain the immediate connection we felt toward each other, but it was blatantly there. After only two months and literally thousands of typed pages later, I was on my way to Europe for the first time. I had never had much interest in Germany. I would have much rather been heading to some place a little more exotic, but I was following my heart which didn't lend me much choice.

It's hard to look your best and refreshed after such a long flight, but it didn't matter....even though we were meeting face to face for the first time. What I was about to experience would become the best day of my life. My dreams were finally coming true and I didn't realize it at the time, but I would learn to love Germany.

A few weeks later, Marco was on his way to New Orleans. Even though I have spent most of my life in big cities, I've always been a country boy at heart and I knew that he would have to accept that part of me, not to mention...tolerate my boisterous and at times "difficult" family. I probably over did it his first trip though. New Orleans can be challenging for anyone, but I decided to culturally submerge him anyway. From Bourbon Street to alligator infested canoe trips, snakes and being awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by some of the loudest insects on the planet...none of it was too shocking for him. I felt like I was experiencing life...for the very first time. After my family didn't send him packing...I was really in love. I would need no more convincing that he was the one for me. It was the first time my family had seen me truly happy. I had always wanted that. I wish my mom had had the chance to see it too.

Marco was immediately accepted as part of the family. But, it was all about the same time that we were catapulted into the very frightening world of being a bi-national gay couple. Being American, I thought I would find a way for us, because our "system" protects it's own, but I couldn't. We were torn, and our hearts were ripped to peices. Dead end after dead end, we knew It would not be easy for us. His visa was running out soon and I would have to figure out a way once we got back to Germany. The only thing I knew for certain at that point was that we would not be separated.

That will soon be six years ago. We have exhausted every legally imaginable route possible trying to figure out a way to return, but it isn't going to happen. After Hurricane Katrina, Marco got a 3 month visa. We sold everything, quit our jobs and went home to help my family clean up. The 3 months went by fast and 3 days before his visa was to expire (again) we had to say goodbye to our family. We didn't have anything to return to in Germany, so we threw on our backpacks and for the next year headed south...all the way to Costa Rica. We knew we couldn't do this forever, but it was nice to escape the feeling that America and it's people had completely turned their back on us. We really didn't have many other options either.

Dad called us in Costa Rica and said he was getting married. Mom had died a few years before and he was 68. I was excited to be his "best man", but the day we returned home through Houston was not our lucky day. To make a long story short, Marco's previous stay was being questioned. Marco explained his purpose of being in America a year before and that he had been there to help my family clean up after Hurricane Katrina. But immigration officials didn't buy it and accused him of "working for room and board" and went on to say that what he had done was against federal immigration law. He couldn't tell them that I was supporting him, that would have made it even worse. They physically separated us for the first time in our lives. Grant it...it was only for a day, but it was the day we decided to leave America for good.

As an American, it is excruciatingly painful to wake up and realize that you are purposefully being excluded from the pursuit of happiness, not to mention, life, liberty and justice for all. But, for the sake of sanity; for the time being, we've had to put that part of our lives far behind us. We packed up our hopes, our dreams and our money and returned to Germany, because we knew it would be a safe place for us. We were both desperate for some sense of normalcy too.

We're married now and we both have jobs here. I quit resisting and finally learned the language. Munich is our home. Perhaps, one day, we will return to America, but not until we have the freedom to do so...as a family. (photo: personal; Mardi Gras 2005, Patrick and Marco together since: March 2004)

Tags: USA, Germany

I am an American living in exile. My partner and I have enjoyed a loving, committed relationship with each other for over 4 years. We consider ourselves lucky to have found true lifelong partners in each other, and in every sense of the word, we are a married couple.

While my heart is complete after finding my husband, my life is incomplete due to my country. My husband is Brazilian and has not been able to immigrate to the United States which is our preferred home. Instead, I have been forced to choose between my family and lifelong friends and my loving and committed partner. For the last year, I have been living in Brazil to be with my husband. I cannot afford to travel frequently so I don't get to see my family often. My parents are in their late 70's and I am not there to help provide support, celebrate birthday's or anniversaries or participate in holiday gatherings. Most phone calls end in tears as my mother is devastated that her youngest son is so far away. I struggle with my situation every day all because my country does not allow my husband to immigrate to the United States.

I urge you to support S. 1328/H.R. 2221, the Uniting American Families Act - legislation that will effect the tens of thousands of couples in my similar situation. Let's do the right thing and bring our families together. (photo: personal; taken in NYC, Glenn and Antonio together since: 9/11 2004)

Tags: USA, Brazil

We met in 1995 in Los Angeles, California and both knew from the start we had not just found each other, we had found love. My partner Jean is from France and was working in Los Angeles as a journalist for French magazines and newspapers with a media visa. I worked as a hotel manager and we had a nice life with lots of friends and jobs we enjoyed.

Later, I decided to leave the hotel business and and work in real estate instead. About the same time my partner Jean also wanted to change careers but in his case he could not because his job as a journalist was the provider of his work visa so he kept on writing. I thought at the time wouldn\'t it be nice if he had the freedom to change careers like all American citizens do.

In early 2006 my partner Jean received news the magazine he worked for was going to close its doors knowing his work visa renewal was coming near the end of the year. We went to two immigration attorneys to ask about our options and found out we really didn\'t have any. We had two options, move to France or separate. We chose to move to France.

It was not easy to leave our friends, sell our home, leave a job I enjoyed, and move but at least we could stay together.

We chose to move to a french island in the Caribbean, Saint Martin. Knowing I would have to leave every 3 months until I received \"right to stay\", this was the most economical location being only 3 hours from Miami by air. We got Paxed (french civil union) shortly after we arrived here which allowed me to apply for right to stay one year later. I just received my Carte De Sejour (right to stay and work) last month. The time in between had me flying back to the US every 3 months $$$, we had to hire a lawyer $$$ because the locals here were making the process very difficult. I guess a same sex couple never applied for right to stay here before.

All of this process and money spent to live in a place both of us do not want to be. My partner has a job but I cannot get one because I do not speak fluent French. So we wait, and wait, hoping The Uniting American Families Act passes soon so we can move back home to the United States. (photo: personal; St. Martin, France, Jean and Allen together since: 1995)

Tags: USA, France

Gay Marriage: Until Deportation Do Us Part?
By Mary Milliken
Reuters
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rita Boyadjian wishes she were in a better mood to celebrate the weddings of fellow gay friends after California began legally marrying same-sex couples last month.But her partner of six years is a German woman whose U.S. student visa runs out soon. Even if they were to legally marry in California, Margot (not her real name) could not stay in the United States because the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage for immigration purposes. This month the well-to-do couple and their nine-month-old baby will move to Germany so they....read more uk.Reuters.com (photo: Reuters)

Tags: USA, Germany, Reuters, gay immigration, equality

As of October 2006, I’ve gone solo again, but not really. I moved from Washington to Rio De Janeiro to be with my partner after two years very long distance. His unconditional love and support has changed my life, and so I am happy to change more of it to be with him. Since he is Brazilian, we have not been able to obtain a visa to bring him to the U.S., and my country does not allow gay citizens to sponsor foreign same-sex partners for citizenship here. His country does. So for the time being, we’ll (finally) be together in Brazil, a place I have loved from the first time I stepped foot there. At the same time, living in Brazil on a tourist visa means I can't stay longer than 90 days per visit or 180 days per year, so I return often to the U.S., and we even moved to Buenos Aires for the last months of 2007 after I maxed on Brazil time for read more Citizen Crain (photo: Junior Magazine, Citizen Crain)

Tags: Citizen Chris, gay immigration, equality

I met my partner in February 2003 in Portland, Oregon. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Somehow I knew she would change my life forever. Before we planned our commitment ceremony, my partner informed me that in 2002 she had filed a claim for political asylum in the U.S. At first I had no idea of the impact this would have on us or how our future could possibly be affected. Then I did some research. My partner had passed the one-year deadline and it would be almost impossible to get past this legal challenge. I further found that there was no relief for same-sex couples under the law.

In January 2005 we were both forced to flee to Canada for protection. It is hard to quantify how it feels to be exiled from your own country. Yes we are safe, together, and grateful to this country for giving us that opportunity but we still have not been able to adjust. I think it has to do with the fact that we were essentially forced to live here. If we had a choice, we would still be home in the U.S. There is not a day that goes by that both of us yearn to be back home. As a U.S. citizen, I am still struggling to understand how my relationship is so threatening that it warrants being exiled. Our life at home was totally destroyed.

We had to leave our home, jobs, family, friends, and posses­sions behind. Our credit was literally devastated from attempting to stave off our departure and live a normal life at the same time.When we came to Canada, we had no support network, no place to stay, and no status. For almost three weeks we lived in a shelter. Neither of us had ever lived like that before and to this day it has affected us in a way that is hard to explain. [1] Connie and Ayla - American Exile Blog link: http://americaninexile.blogspot.com/ [2] Family, Unvalued Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. Human Rights Watch; May 2006 ISBN: 1-56432-336-6 link http://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/6.htm#_Toc132691975 (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality