Mark and Fred have been together for 15 years. They have a beautiful home and two adorable kids in Harrisburg, NJ. Fred has been able to stay in the country through student and work visas. When his last work visa came to an end without the possibility of renewal, they faced dire choices. Going back to France is an option, except for the French law the kids will never be considered French and will have to leave every six months. Also, staying in the US was further impeded since Fred had to stop working and take yet another student visa to stay with Mark. They had to sell their home at a loss, since they are burning through their savings, and they may have to live apart for a while, separating even the children. Read More [1] [2] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net [2] Immigration Equality, Inc. Mark and Fred (Not his real name), John and Claire-Marie link: http://www.immigrationequality.org/template.php?pageid=50#markfabien (photo: Through Thick & Thin video, and Immigration Equality)

Tags: Through Thick and Thin Docu, Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

The unequal treatment of lesbian and gay partnerships is only one among many interlinked inequities riddling the immigration system. Marta Donayre, co-founder of Love Sees No Borders, a group for binational gay and lesbian couples, points out: Women have a harder time coming to the country. To get a tourist visa, you have to prove that you have ties back home. Women are less likely to have bank accounts or own property, so it is harder for them to qualify. Third World status makes it far more difficult as well—which is about race and also is about economics: so in immigration policy, you clearly see the read more Human Rights Watch, Family, Unvalued. Love Sees No Borders was established by Marta Donayre and Leslie Bulbuk in August 2001 to advocate on behalf of binational same-sex couples in trying to live in the Unites States. Visit: Love Sees No Borders (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, Love Sees No Borders, gay immigration, equality

Wendy Daw, a U.S. citizen, is thirty-seven; Belinda Ryan, from Britain, is forty. We listened to them on a sunny afternoon in their modest home in California’s East Bay. “It’s time to speak out,” Belinda kept saying. They have become activists for the unrecognized rights of couples like themselves. Wendy tells how their love, and trouble, started: That first six months was pretty wonderful. I had just started at graduate school; Belinda had moved to this country; she was here in the Bay Area studying to be a helicopter pilot. And then she finished school. And that was when we started to realize the predicament: wow, this was serious. She was allowed to find a job under the student visa, so she started Read Belinda's and Wendy's Story (Part One)

We live with this so constantly that we lose track of how it affects us. I am not willing to put my energy into building up a really great practice or starting up an office or establishing myself really well—because there’s this sense that right when it starts to take off, we’ll leave, and I will have invested all that time and energy and money into a life that I will just have to walk away from… The profound effect it has all had, on the choices I have made in my life…I’m a good doctor, and I am not using it to the fullest. Of course, there’s no guarantee of anything in life. But here there’s something wrong—whether you go or stay is not your decision, is at the mercy of somebody else. … I come to realize it has had a really undermining effect on how I live my life.Some people say, Well, she has to leave, but you don’t have to. I say: If your husband got kicked out of the country, wouldn’t you go with him? They don’t recognize that Read Belinda's and Wend'ys Story (Part 2)

Visit: Out4Immigration.org

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, Out 4 Immigration, gay immigration, equality

I moved to the Netherlands from the San Francisco Bay Area in March 2000 to be with my partner and future wife, Lin. Lin and I met in 1982 in Amsterdam and became close friends. Sixteen years later, our deep love for each other turned to passion, and we started a long distance commute, seeing each other whenever possible, and spending much of our time together on the telephone or online.After more than a year of flying back and forth for short visits, we decided we had had enough of the long distance relationship and that I should move to the Netherlands. We got engaged, promising to marry as soon as the Dutch changed the marriage law to include same-sex couples. (photo: Gon Buurman; Love Exiles)

We married on May 4, 2001. The story of our wedding appeared in the June 19, 2001, issue of The Advocate. Our wedding photos have appeared in the annual report of the Akzo Nobel Pension Fund, in several photo exhibitions, on the cover of the book Wij Gaan Ons Echt Verbinden, and in the Human Rights Watch report Family Unvalued. Since Lin's son was still in high school, Lin asked me to Read More Love Exiles

Martha McDevitt-Pugh, who left the United States in the end to be with her life partner, Lin, told us, “You don’t casually date someone across an ocean.”101 Yet many binational same-sex couples have to. Perhaps the non-U.S. partner cannot stay legally in the U.S.—or cannot even get a visa to enter it; perhaps the U.S. partner, for reasons of job or family, cannot move away. Couples hoping to build a life together are unable to create a common home. Plane tickets and phone calls become the lifelines on which a relationship survives. Also Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued.

Tags: Love Exiles, Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

For us personally to be in an environment that feels more progressive is inspiring. To have a country do the right thing about civil rights, to make a commitment that all people are equal, is amazing. It’s a blanket policy – all people have equal rights; it’s not selective. This picking and choosing in the United States leaves a bad taste in your mouth… You can’t get around the [U.S.] immigration system. We try to let people know that we didn’t mess this up; we’re not lazy or stupid; we tried to find an avenue to pursue, but there just isn’t one. This experience rocked my identity as a U.S. citizen to the core. Sometime I feel like a child saying it’s not fair. I feel frustrated and very ashamed that the biggest country in the western world lags so far behind on human rights on its own soil… People ask me why I’m here, and I say, because I can’t live there. For the country that professes to be a peacekeeper for the world, the guardian of human rights, and the bastion of democracy, they’re failing a significant percentage of their citizenship. Read More Anji and Hills story - Human Rights Watch - Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

The pummeling of couples’ capacity to get by is steady. Debt is a constant threat. David, forty-two, spent a year living apart from his British partner, Howie, thirty-seven. In that time, they flew back and forth “about ten or eleven times to see each other,” David recalls. “We spent maybe $10,000 on travel. It completely drained our finances. Each trip was at least $400-$600 in airfare. It was not something I could afford. But, even though I should have, I didn’t really give it a second thought. I put it on credit cards—and I’m only now coming out of debt." Read more stories Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

Barbara, forty-three, a U.S. citizen living in Massachusetts, is legally disabled with severe difficulty walking. She has a disabled son, seventeen, as well as a thirteen-year-old daughter. She relives heavily for physical help as well as emotional support on her British partner, Susan, who lives with her in the U.S. Barbara qualifies for subsidized housing because of her multiple disabilities. Susan is legally in the U.S. on a student visa. Yet, foreigners on student visas cannot live in subsidized housing, so Susan’s presence in the house must be a secret, even though she is both Susan’s primary caregiver and her partner. Barbara feels the injustice acutely: “I have neighbors who have a partner who is not American, and they can bring their spouses, and I say, accept all; but I’m an American and I can’t get my own home country to accept my own partner.” Read more stories Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

I’m dying in my seat. I was totally petrified. We’re surrounded by all these military guys in broad daylight. Ricardo was so courageous. I wouldn’t have done that myself. He took my hand. He said, “Could you please have some compassion. This is my family. You could choose not to do this.” The border patrol officer was completely taken aback. The men made Ricardo step out. Wayne had to stay in the car, but could hear their voices: “You’re a very muscular guy; you’re not going to try anything, are you?” Ricardo notes, “They treat you like that all the time. Like you’re about to burst, like you’re an animal. You’re not supposed to move unless you’re told. “ Once inside [the detention facility], I just collapsed... Wayne Brown, forty-seven, a clinical social worker, lives in Florida at the moment. His partner Ricardo Espíndola is from Argentina and is unemployed. Wayne, a Canadian citizen, had been a lawful permanent U.S. resident for many years, working as program director of a large HIV/AIDS service group. Things took a wrong turn in late 2004 on a desert highway. Ricardo’s undocumented status came back to haunt him—and the couple was ripped apart. Read more Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

Wade Nichols and his Taiwanese partner Francis Shen, living together in what for Wade is exile in Taipei, had considered a fake marriage to stay together in the U.S. Francis has been harassed by U.S. immigration before. He says marrying is “a long shot, and then I’d have to go through immigration again, but that time it would be more difficult because I’d be lying. It was hard enough when I wasn’t lying. … It’s insane,” he adds. “The government would rather have people lie to them than be honest with them.” Read more Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

Whether traveling to meet, or trying to keep the foreign partner legally in the U.S., couples fear the power of U.S. immigration officers to break up their lives by stopping them at the border. Crossing customs is a constant reminder of how fragile their relationships are, absent legal recognition. Stephanie and Callie have been partners since 2003. Stephanie is a U.K. citizen, Callie from the U.S. For the first year, they exchanged visits, managing to spend months together at a time—but always knowing the days were limited. Stephanie says, “The airport is just the worst thing …. You always worry that you’re looking too shifty when you’re going through. You constantly worry you’ll be turned away, although you’re doing nothing.” We were always careful if we were traveling together not to carry any documents that showed us as a couple together, in any way. No letters, cards, photos even… We didn’t want to get caught—no, not “caught,” because we weren’t doing anything illegal. We never considered breaking the law, because we both wanted to do it completely legally. Read more Stopped at the Gate, Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality

I met my partner in February 2003 in Portland, Oregon. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Somehow I knew she would change my life forever. Before we planned our commitment ceremony, my partner informed me that in 2002 she had filed a claim for political asylum in the U.S. At first I had no idea of the impact this would have on us or how our future could possibly be affected. Then I did some research. My partner had passed the one-year deadline and it would be almost impossible to get past this legal challenge. I further found that there was no relief for same-sex couples under the law.

In January 2005 we were both forced to flee to Canada for protection. It is hard to quantify how it feels to be exiled from your own country. Yes we are safe, together, and grateful to this country for giving us that opportunity but we still have not been able to adjust. I think it has to do with the fact that we were essentially forced to live here. If we had a choice, we would still be home in the U.S. There is not a day that goes by that both of us yearn to be back home. As a U.S. citizen, I am still struggling to understand how my relationship is so threatening that it warrants being exiled. Our life at home was totally destroyed.

We had to leave our home, jobs, family, friends, and posses­sions behind. Our credit was literally devastated from attempting to stave off our departure and live a normal life at the same time.When we came to Canada, we had no support network, no place to stay, and no status. For almost three weeks we lived in a shelter. Neither of us had ever lived like that before and to this day it has affected us in a way that is hard to explain. [1] Connie and Ayla - American Exile Blog link: http://americaninexile.blogspot.com/ [2] Family, Unvalued Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. Human Rights Watch; May 2006 ISBN: 1-56432-336-6 link http://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/6.htm#_Toc132691975 (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Tags: Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued, gay immigration, equality