Like many married couples, Pamela Hathaway and Lucie Ferrari chat and plan their day over their morning coffee. Unlike most spouses, they have to do so using videoconferencing, Skype calls over the Web or a telephone because they cannot legally be together.

Hathaway, 32, is a U.S. citizen. Ferrari, 40, is a French citizen whose work visa ran out a year ago, forcing her to quit her job as a teacher in Sun Prairie and leave the country. The couple married in Canada in January, but U.S. immigration policy doesn't recognize same-sex couples, even ones that have been legally married, so Hathaway cannot sponsor Ferrari for U.S. immigration.

So Ferrari calls Hathaway at their Madison home from more than 2,000 miles away in Vanderhoof, British Columbia, where she moved a year ago to teach French.

Hathaway shows Ferrari their three cats here in Madison or carries her laptop into the backyard to show progress in their garden. Sometimes, Hathaway said, one of them will decide to start dishes or laundry while they chat and the other will do the same so they feel like they're doing it "together."

"We try and bring some normalcy to our situation," Hathaway said. "But what's become normal now is really absurd if you think about it." Read story, "Immigration law separates same-sex couple" by Melanie Conklin, Wisconsin State Journal.

(Photo: Personal; Lucie Ferrari, left, and her partner Pamela Hathaway, who have been separated by U.S. immigration policy that does not allow U.S. citizens to sponsor their same-sex partners. The couple were married in Canada in January.)

Tags: USA, France, Canada

Shannon and I met one week upon my arrival in San Francisco in the summer 2007. I was only visiting for 6 weeks, and wanted to check out the queer arts and culture in the Bay Area. Our romance began as a magical summer love.

Close to my departure, Shannon decided to come see me in Vancouver where I was heading for my return plane to France. We started to make plans for her to come visit me in France, and for me to come stay longer in San Francisco after I was done with my studies the following year. Shannon started to take French classes. I looked at grants and schools in the Bay Area for a graduate program. We lived long-distance over a year with times when Shannon came to Paris or I traveled back to the US. Finally, I moved to San Francisco at the end of August 2008 on a tourist visa, hoping to create a life together, and ready to do whatever I could to stay in the country, near my love.

The more I looked at it, the more scary it became. The first weeks, I understood that even if we decide to get married (as it was legal at that time in California), this ceremony would not give me any immigration rights, which are on a federal level. It could even go against us, as I would become a visible illegal immigrant if I decided to stay beyond my tourist visa's legal limit. I knew this was not a good idea. I started to look at the idea of a male partner to marry. This option did not appeal to us. It is based on lying about our love and our queer identities.

As a transgender person, the solution I was told was to transition all the way, change my gender identification to male, then I could marry Shannon. This is totally unconceivable for me. I have no money, no time, and actually no desire to pass as a male, nor to talk to doctors about my gender identity. Actually, living in San Francisco makes me feel a lot better about my gender expression and I believe this is another reason why I should be offered a better shelter here in California.

The american government does not provide any help for LGBT immigrants.

I applied for a graduate program starting in Septembre 2009. I have to leave in two weeks, and I know I will not be able to use my tourist visa anymore, as I have used it too many times and become "suspicious" to any Customs officer. The times when I had to cross the border are the worst memories of my time in the United States. I was put under pressure, and I knew I could not talk about the real reasons that brought me to this unlikable border: being in love and wanting to be happy.

I am hoping to be accepted to school. I am looking for financial support everywhere I put my eyes on but I do not know if/when I will be able to cross back again. If I do get a student visa, it again will be for a temporary stay of a couple of years. And then, what? I just wish Shannon could sponsor me as a resident, so that we can explore more our life together and continue provide this country of the cultural diversity that makes it so different and rich. -jAms

When jAms and I met, it was like a dream. I knew the reality of different cultures and limited time together, but I wanted to focus on the connection we had and the magic of the present moment. I wanted us to live the dream for as long as we could. That dream has now lasted almost two years.

Yet there have been many moments of heartbreak. It breaks my heart to try to cross the border to my country of birth with the person that I love and to hear and see the way that immigration officials engage in front of signs promising that they will treat each person that comes through with respect. It breaks my heart that they ask for proof that my love does not want to live here, asking for bank statements, insinuating misuse of visas although jAms has never been in this country illegally.

We spend months apart and then have weeks together. We've now had the longest time together and it is coming to an end as the visa comes to an end. Again we must separate. Again our relationship is not validated. Again we don't know the next time that we will get to see one another. I never know if this dream has come to an end or we can keep believing in a future together. -Shannon
(photo; personal; "October 2008 - a fancy date", jAms & Shannon together since: June 7, 2007)

Tags: USA, France

We met in 1995 in Los Angeles, California and both knew from the start we had not just found each other, we had found love. My partner Jean is from France and was working in Los Angeles as a journalist for French magazines and newspapers with a media visa. I worked as a hotel manager and we had a nice life with lots of friends and jobs we enjoyed.

Later, I decided to leave the hotel business and and work in real estate instead. About the same time my partner Jean also wanted to change careers but in his case he could not because his job as a journalist was the provider of his work visa so he kept on writing. I thought at the time wouldn\'t it be nice if he had the freedom to change careers like all American citizens do.

In early 2006 my partner Jean received news the magazine he worked for was going to close its doors knowing his work visa renewal was coming near the end of the year. We went to two immigration attorneys to ask about our options and found out we really didn\'t have any. We had two options, move to France or separate. We chose to move to France.

It was not easy to leave our friends, sell our home, leave a job I enjoyed, and move but at least we could stay together.

We chose to move to a french island in the Caribbean, Saint Martin. Knowing I would have to leave every 3 months until I received \"right to stay\", this was the most economical location being only 3 hours from Miami by air. We got Paxed (french civil union) shortly after we arrived here which allowed me to apply for right to stay one year later. I just received my Carte De Sejour (right to stay and work) last month. The time in between had me flying back to the US every 3 months $$$, we had to hire a lawyer $$$ because the locals here were making the process very difficult. I guess a same sex couple never applied for right to stay here before.

All of this process and money spent to live in a place both of us do not want to be. My partner has a job but I cannot get one because I do not speak fluent French. So we wait, and wait, hoping The Uniting American Families Act passes soon so we can move back home to the United States. (photo: personal; St. Martin, France, Jean and Allen together since: 1995)

Tags: USA, France