Nadine and Szu

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This Way Out: Love Exiles & "Chris and Don" Overnight Productions, Inc. 15 Jul 2008 00:13 GMT Independent Media Center indymedia.org LoveExiles.org Music added: Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Report spotlights GLBT immigration challenges
House bill seeks to allow U.S. citizens to sponsor foreign same-sex partners

by Anthony Baldman, Reporter
Published Thursday, 18-May-2006 in issue 960
GLT - Gay and Lesbian Times (gaylesbiantimes.com)

SAN DIEGO - ...San Diego’s Nadine Jernewall and Sze Tan, a binational couple, have been active members of Equality California’s San Diego chapter. They met over three years ago online as friends and a romantic relationship blossomed shortly thereafter. “We were amazed at the connection we felt with each other and decided that we had to be together despite the odds we faced ahead of us,” Jernewall said, referring to the fact that Tan is not a U.S. citizen and first came to the U.S. on a student visa from Malaysia.

Jernewall said the biggest challenge they face as a binational couple is living with uncertainty on a daily basis. “Our being together is contingent upon Sze keeping her job with an employer who is willing to sponsor her working visa,” Jernewall said. Tan, who works as a software engineer, is now with an employer who is willing to sponsor her for a green card. Jernewall said Tan is lucky enough to be well-educated and to possess job skills deemed important to the U.S. economy, but many other people are not so fortunate, and are unable to obtain work visas. The couple does not know how long the process will take for Tan to receive her green card through her employer.

“It could be a year. It could be four years. While we feel lucky to even have this, it is still hard to plan a future when all this stuff is so up in the air,” Jernewall said. “If her company had to lay her off or something, we’d be back at square one.” The couple considered emigrating from the U.S. to Canada in order to remain together as a couple, Jernewall said.

“While Canada is a beautiful country, it was very difficult to accept that I, as a U.S. citizen, would have to leave my country and family in order to stay with my partner,” she said. “This is not something that heterosexual couples ever need to consider, since immigration laws recognize them as a family. The U.S., unfortunately, regards us as strangers when it comes to immigration. Our family is deemed unworthy of protection.” read full story GLT... (photo: Gay and Lesbian Times)

Brittany and Joanna

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Because same-sex marriages are not recognized in the United States, certain marital benefits, like the advantage of permanent residency for a foreign born partner, are denied to bi-national spouses. This commonly results in the foreign partner being forced to leave the United States, and their loved ones, behind. Brittany and Joanna's story is one of thousands. (photo: CurrentTV.com)

Rita and Margo

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Gay Marriage: Until Deportation Do Us Part?
By Mary Milliken
Reuters
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rita Boyadjian wishes she were in a better mood to celebrate the weddings of fellow gay friends after California began legally marrying same-sex couples last month.But her partner of six years is a German woman whose U.S. student visa runs out soon. Even if they were to legally marry in California, Margot (not her real name) could not stay in the United States because the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage for immigration purposes. This month the well-to-do couple and their nine-month-old baby will move to Germany so they....read more uk.Reuters.com (photo: Reuters)

Kellie and Nathalie

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This segment on the hardships of bi-national couples in their struggle for immigration equality was the first segment produced by Cutberto Bonilla and Ryan Schlief who had this to say about their first time making a TV segment: It was a great experience, we learned a lot, plus we were able to create a segment that highlights an important topic within our community and share it with the public. (photo: Out at the Center)

Mark and Fred

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Mark and Fred have been together for 15 years. They have a beautiful home and two adorable kids in Harrisburg, NJ. Fred has been able to stay in the country through student and work visas. When his last work visa came to an end without the possibility of renewal, they faced dire choices. Going back to France is an option, except for the French law the kids will never be considered French and will have to leave every six months. Also, staying in the US was further impeded since Fred had to stop working and take yet another student visa to stay with Mark. They had to sell their home at a loss, since they are burning through their savings, and they may have to live apart for a while, separating even the children. Read More [1] [2] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net [2] Immigration Equality, Inc. Mark and Fred (Not his real name), John and Claire-Marie link: http://www.immigrationequality.org/template.php?pageid=50#markfabien (photo: Through Thick & Thin video, and Immigration Equality)

Ravneet and Kiran

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Ravneet is a naturalized American citizen, but was born in India. In her first trip to the UK she met Kiran, through a cousin. Ravneet is 18 and Kiran a year older. They both realized they had feelings for each other before they even knew they were gay. They started seeing each other, traveling between the two countries despite the fact that they are not out to their families or friends and have little financial support. After 6 months of painful separation they met in Los Angeles for a two-week "honeymoon". After their time together and back in the UK, Kiran came out to her parents. With the recent passage of the Civil Partnership law in the UK, they are weighing their options to stay together. [1] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/ravneetkiran.htm (photo: Through Thick & Thin)

Tim and Genesio

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First Massachusetts, then California; now United Nations
Forcibly separated same-sex Mass. couple accuse U.S. of treaty violation at United Nations

Media inquiries should be directed to Erin Hoefler, 978-374-1900, Ext. 114
HAVERHILL, MASS. – If the experience of Tim Coco and Genesio J. Oliveira Jr. is any example, future same-sex married couples in California face an uphill battle in securing minimal Federal rights. Coco and Oliveira, married three years ago in Massachusetts, hope their twin cases, including a complaint filed this week with the United Nations, will help. Coco and Oliveira accuse the United States of violating the “Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment” by... Read full Press Release and Tim and Genesio's Story on their website ReuniteThisFamily.com (photo: Reunite This Family)

Aileen and Suzy

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A Cuban-American and her Peruvian female partner are battling to stop a deportation order. Their last and final hearing is in May and they have to prove that going back to Peru for Lourdes would be not only a terrible setback, but also dangerous to her as a lesbian. In the meantime, their life in Seattle has stalled, for they cannot make any long-term plans that pertain to work, family matters and housing. Read More [1]Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/alieensuzie.htm (photo: Through Thick & Thin)

Eric and Stan

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Chuck and Larry, meet Eric and Stan, a couple who started over in a new country because they were refused immigration rights. Ten gay and lesbian couples talk about their relationships and explain why marriage is necessary for them and their families. These videos are also featured on 10Couples.org, where you can find tools to turn these stories into meaningful action. The videos were filmed and produced by the award-winning team at Public Interest (Photo: PublicInterest.tv)

Brian and Cristián

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Charly and Terry

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Charly and Terry are both dedicated Catholics and have a strong devotion and love for each other that most people would envy. Only able to spend 6 weeks together a year, their hearts break each time they are separated. Even though it takes up so much of their energy and time, they manage to religiously stay connected through the telephone and the internet daily, until the day they will be allowed to immigrate to Canada, where they have filed for residence and where they expect to grow old together, to enjoy they warmth of the embrace they don't have every day. [1] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/charlyterry.htm (photo: Through Thick & Thin)

Richard and Justin

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Tammy and Sally

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When Tammy met Sally online, they were both going through difficult divorces with their husbands. Tammy was in Texas and Sally in Northern England. They fell madly in love as they realized each was, for the other, the partner they had always dreamed of. At first, they attempted to let their relationship grow with constant visits to each country. As that came to a screeching halt, due to Sally's legal impossibility to continue coming to the US, they were faced with a dilemma. Tammy was able to obtain a work visa in the UK, but had to leave her two daughters and a good job behind in order to be with Sally. Read More [1] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/tamsal.htm (photo: Through Thick & Thin)

RJK

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Tim and Alister

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Here's the crummy Alistair and I face as does every lesbian or gay American if their partner is from another country. A heterosexual American citizen can meet someone from a foreign country at 2AM tonight at some sleazy nightclub in LA, drive five hours to Las Vegas and get married, and the very next day go to the INS and pretty much immediately get a "fiance" green card that will eventually allow them to remain together in the US. Unless the straight person's partner blew up a bridge in Bolivia or something, all heterosexual marriages are given immigration rights. On the other hand even though I am a US citizen and my Australian life-partner Alistair and I have been together for almost eight years, our relationship - our family - is given no respect or value in America and we are facing being thrown out of my country when his student visa runs out. This is what made me want to scream when Bush starts talking about being against "special rights" for gay people. This is so dishonest. I guess Bush believes if he's going to tell a lie, he might as well tell a whopper! All straight Americans have about 1500 special heterosexual rights through marriage that no gay American can have. Alistair and I are faced with the grim reality that unless America changes its unfair laws that deny gay bi-national couples the immigration rights currently only given to straight people, we will be forced to leave the United States in about a year and seek immigration asylum in a more civilized country than the US in order to maintain our relationship. The US is almost the only western country that doesn't give their citizens' gay relationships immigration rights. This sucks. Clearly this is a job for a performance artist to try to get people pissed off about this. As a gay American in a bi-national relationship for eight years, I take the... read more Tim Miller [1] Tim Miller and Alistair McCartney - Gay Immgration STOP DEPORTING OUR LOVERS! link: http://hometown.aol.com/millertale/timmillerimmig.html [2] Tim Miller Queer Performer - Blog link: http://timmillerperfomer.blogspot.com/ (photo: Tim Miller)

Anthony and Andre

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Love at first sight is what united Anthony and Andre. Anthony, suffering from HIV/AIDS and cancer, fell in love with Andre. They visited on several occasions and Andre got a student visa to come to the U.S. Because of misinformation at the American consulate in Brazil, Andre showed up too early in the U.S., so he was put back on a plane and sent back to Brazil, where they both attempted everything they could to be able to be together. There was no way out for Andre, so Anthony started traveling back and forth, for up to five weeks at a time. Sadly, that proved too taxing on his health, and died in Andre's arms in July of 2005. Read More [1] Through Thick & Thin, A documentary about the immigration struggle of gay and lesbian couples in America. Sebastian Cordoba, DIRECTOR/PRODUCER; Lavi Soloway, PRODUCER; Kim Fishman, PRODUCER. USA, 2007, 75 Minute Running Time. link: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/anthonyandre.htm (photo: through Thick & Thin)

Chris and Anderson

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As of October 2006, I’ve gone solo again, but not really. I moved from Washington to Rio De Janeiro to be with my partner after two years very long distance. His unconditional love and support has changed my life, and so I am happy to change more of it to be with him. Since he is Brazilian, we have not been able to obtain a visa to bring him to the U.S., and my country does not allow gay citizens to sponsor foreign same-sex partners for citizenship here. His country does. So for the time being, we’ll (finally) be together in Brazil, a place I have loved from the first time I stepped foot there. At the same time, living in Brazil on a tourist visa means I can't stay longer than 90 days per visit or 180 days per year, so I return often to the U.S., and we even moved to Buenos Aires for the last months of 2007 after I maxed on Brazil time for read more Citizen Crain (photo: Junior Magazine, Citizen Crain)

Leslie and Marta

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The unequal treatment of lesbian and gay partnerships is only one among many interlinked inequities riddling the immigration system. Marta Donayre, co-founder of Love Sees No Borders, a group for binational gay and lesbian couples, points out: Women have a harder time coming to the country. To get a tourist visa, you have to prove that you have ties back home. Women are less likely to have bank accounts or own property, so it is harder for them to qualify. Third World status makes it far more difficult as well—which is about race and also is about economics: so in immigration policy, you clearly see the read more Human Rights Watch, Family, Unvalued. Love Sees No Borders was established by Marta Donayre and Leslie Bulbuk in August 2001 to advocate on behalf of binational same-sex couples in trying to live in the Unites States. Visit: Love Sees No Borders (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Wendy and Belinda

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Wendy Daw, a U.S. citizen, is thirty-seven; Belinda Ryan, from Britain, is forty. We listened to them on a sunny afternoon in their modest home in California’s East Bay. “It’s time to speak out,” Belinda kept saying. They have become activists for the unrecognized rights of couples like themselves. Wendy tells how their love, and trouble, started: That first six months was pretty wonderful. I had just started at graduate school; Belinda had moved to this country; she was here in the Bay Area studying to be a helicopter pilot. And then she finished school. And that was when we started to realize the predicament: wow, this was serious. She was allowed to find a job under the student visa, so she started Read Belinda's and Wendy's Story (Part One)

We live with this so constantly that we lose track of how it affects us. I am not willing to put my energy into building up a really great practice or starting up an office or establishing myself really well—because there’s this sense that right when it starts to take off, we’ll leave, and I will have invested all that time and energy and money into a life that I will just have to walk away from… The profound effect it has all had, on the choices I have made in my life…I’m a good doctor, and I am not using it to the fullest. Of course, there’s no guarantee of anything in life. But here there’s something wrong—whether you go or stay is not your decision, is at the mercy of somebody else. … I come to realize it has had a really undermining effect on how I live my life.Some people say, Well, she has to leave, but you don’t have to. I say: If your husband got kicked out of the country, wouldn’t you go with him? They don’t recognize that Read Belinda's and Wend'ys Story (Part 2)

Visit: Out4Immigration.org

Martha and Lin

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I moved to the Netherlands from the San Francisco Bay Area in March 2000 to be with my partner and future wife, Lin. Lin and I met in 1982 in Amsterdam and became close friends. Sixteen years later, our deep love for each other turned to passion, and we started a long distance commute, seeing each other whenever possible, and spending much of our time together on the telephone or online.After more than a year of flying back and forth for short visits, we decided we had had enough of the long distance relationship and that I should move to the Netherlands. We got engaged, promising to marry as soon as the Dutch changed the marriage law to include same-sex couples. (photo: Gon Buurman; Love Exiles)

We married on May 4, 2001. The story of our wedding appeared in the June 19, 2001, issue of The Advocate. Our wedding photos have appeared in the annual report of the Akzo Nobel Pension Fund, in several photo exhibitions, on the cover of the book Wij Gaan Ons Echt Verbinden, and in the Human Rights Watch report Family Unvalued. Since Lin's son was still in high school, Lin asked me to Read More Love Exiles

Martha McDevitt-Pugh, who left the United States in the end to be with her life partner, Lin, told us, “You don’t casually date someone across an ocean.”101 Yet many binational same-sex couples have to. Perhaps the non-U.S. partner cannot stay legally in the U.S.—or cannot even get a visa to enter it; perhaps the U.S. partner, for reasons of job or family, cannot move away. Couples hoping to build a life together are unable to create a common home. Plane tickets and phone calls become the lifelines on which a relationship survives. Also Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued.

Stephane and Marty

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In August 1994, Stephane learned that his mother was gravely ill. He immediately traveled to France to be with her, preparing to return to the United States on his E-2 visa which he had extended shortly before he left the country. Unfortunately, due to some error in communication with the INS office in Liguna Niguel, Marty and Stephane were given the wrong advice in connection with the extension of the visa. When Stephane returned from his visit with his mother, the Immigration officers in the Detroit airport would not permit him to re-enter the country. Stephane recounts that he was rudely questioned, threatened and told that he would have to return to France. Finally, after hours of argument he was paroled into the United States pending an exclusion hearing. Stephane was forced to surrender his passport, and he was photographed and fingerprinted before he was released from custody.

After returning to San Francisco, Stephane consulted with a lawyer and had his exclusion hearing transferred to that city from Detroit. He also sought to have his hearing expedited so that he could clear up the problems and free himself for future travel. This was not to be the case, however. Unfortunately for Stephane, his exclusion hearing was not scheduled quickly and he was forced to remain in limbo, waiting for an opportunity to present his case. He did not dare travel outside the country at this time Read More "Oh Canada, Glorious and Free" (photo: LGIRTF; Immigration Equality archive)

Mark and Jonty

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"We Feel We Are Two of the Lucky Ones" Mark Lipman and Jonty Somers met on Queen's Surf Beach, Honolulu in August 1991. Mark was touring with a Broadway musical as a pianist and assistant conductor. Jonty was soaking up the warm Hawaiian summer sun before returning to face the winter in Christchurch, New Zealand, where he lived and worked as a lawyer. After several days spent talking by the sea, finding common interests and a mutual attraction (and one thing leading to another) the two men faced a tearful goodbye. "We knew that after barely a week, we had Read more LGIRTF Founders Find Happiness Together At Last In New Zealand (photo: LGIRTF; Immigration Equality archive)

Anji and Hills

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For us personally to be in an environment that feels more progressive is inspiring. To have a country do the right thing about civil rights, to make a commitment that all people are equal, is amazing. It’s a blanket policy – all people have equal rights; it’s not selective. This picking and choosing in the United States leaves a bad taste in your mouth… You can’t get around the [U.S.] immigration system. We try to let people know that we didn’t mess this up; we’re not lazy or stupid; we tried to find an avenue to pursue, but there just isn’t one. This experience rocked my identity as a U.S. citizen to the core. Sometime I feel like a child saying it’s not fair. I feel frustrated and very ashamed that the biggest country in the western world lags so far behind on human rights on its own soil… People ask me why I’m here, and I say, because I can’t live there. For the country that professes to be a peacekeeper for the world, the guardian of human rights, and the bastion of democracy, they’re failing a significant percentage of their citizenship. Read More Anji and Hills story - Human Rights Watch - Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Olivier and Steve

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Olivier De Wulf is from Belgium. Steve Boullianne is from Los Angeles. Thirteen years ago they met, and now they live in San Francisco with their two adopted boys, Laurent, 5, and Reece, 4. If they were straight, they could marry, and De Wulf would be granted U.S. citizenship. If they lived in Belgium, they could get married, and Boullianne could become a Belgian citizen. But their two boys could not stay with them for more than 90 days because of a quirk in Belgian law designed to prevent mass immigration from the former colony of the Congo. Even California's liberal domestic partnership law is of no help when it Read more San Francisco Chronicle. Steve and Olivier met in Belgium when Steve was abroad working for AT&T. Upon returning to San Francisco, Steve spent the next two years trying to secure a visa for Olivier to join him in the U.S. Olivier sacrificed his engineering career in Belgium to work for a firm that would sponsor his visa. The firm eventually closed its doors and Steve and Olivier were faced with the likelihood of being pushed out of the U.S. due to visa issues. Read more Steve and Olivier, Laurent and Reece (photo: Chronicle, 2004, by Kim Komenich)

Shawn and Slava

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As Bortnik and Gaylord spoke with Metro Weekly, just before the new year, they were coming to the close of one such trip, which saw the couple traveling the United States, from the Grand Canyon to Gaylord's hometown, Schenectady, N.Y. With their time together coming to an end -- for now -- the two have to steel their resolve ahead of the inevitable good-bye. ''When I go back to Belarus, I have, like, two weeks of depression,'' says Bortnik. They are, however, getting better at living this particular situation. ''Now I have so many things to do when I go home, which is good. I won't have too much time to be depressed.'' The same feelings strike Gaylord shortly after his partner leaves. ''There's definitely a feeling of depression each time. It's particularly bad when something happens -- good or bad -- that you'd want to share with a partner. You want somebody to talk to.'' It's not a feeling either are familiar with, says Gaylord'' ''We're not depressed people. We usually have a lot of fun.'' To ease the separation, they e-mail each other daily, and phone a couple times a month. And they've not had to go more than about three months without meeting since the initial introduction in Mexico. That's not to say it hasn't been complicated and expensive. Read more From D.C., with Love Bi-national gay couple tackles borders and barriers to stay together, (photo: Metro Weekly, Todd Franson)

T.A. and Liz

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Liz Ohle and T.A. Loeffler, LGIRTF members who appear in the documentary "Love Knows No Borders," are now living in St. John's Newfoundland. Liz's application was approved and she became a "landed immigrant" this summer. Read More Two Americans Immigration to Canada to Join Their Partners + Danny and Brad (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive)

Scott and Joey

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It soon became apparent that there were NO meaningful ways under US immigration law for Joey and me to return to the States together. Student visas are difficult to get and temporal. Employment opportunities and the associated visas for his specialized profession are nonexistent. I realized I had no option other than to make China my home if I didn't want to leave Joey. We were certainly not welcome in the USA. As much as I didn't really want to live in China permanently it was better than living alone without Joey in the States. My two adult sons and sister in the States found it very hard to accept that I would not be returning home but they understood why, supported my decision, and were happy for me. Someday, I hope that we can live in the States together. Perhaps I shall at least live long enough for this displaced American to see it happen when my home country that so disillusions me now over-comes the homophobia that rages there today. Read more Out 4 Immigration (photo: Out4Immigration.org)

Silf and Bev Jo

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I do not know when I will see my beloved again because our love and commitment of over six years is not recognized or respected by the laws either of our countries. As we all are painfully aware, it doesn't have to be like that. Usually governments allow and even encourage binational couples by making immigration relatively simple for them. As a Lesbian couple, we are denied a basic human right: to live our lives together. This turn of events was devastating to us and affected the lives of our close friends and our community. With all our hearts we want to be together to build our lives together. Each day apart was excruciating and is made even more painful knowing that many couples like us suffer because of this cruel and discriminatory policy. Any heterosexual couple, regardless of the duration of their relationship or the depth of their love for each other is able to marry and remain together. Read more Immigration Issues Are Complex When One Partner is Disabled. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive)

Howie and David

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The pummeling of couples’ capacity to get by is steady. Debt is a constant threat. David, forty-two, spent a year living apart from his British partner, Howie, thirty-seven. In that time, they flew back and forth “about ten or eleven times to see each other,” David recalls. “We spent maybe $10,000 on travel. It completely drained our finances. Each trip was at least $400-$600 in airfare. It was not something I could afford. But, even though I should have, I didn’t really give it a second thought. I put it on credit cards—and I’m only now coming out of debt." Read more stories Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Barbara and Susan

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Barbara, forty-three, a U.S. citizen living in Massachusetts, is legally disabled with severe difficulty walking. She has a disabled son, seventeen, as well as a thirteen-year-old daughter. She relives heavily for physical help as well as emotional support on her British partner, Susan, who lives with her in the U.S. Barbara qualifies for subsidized housing because of her multiple disabilities. Susan is legally in the U.S. on a student visa. Yet, foreigners on student visas cannot live in subsidized housing, so Susan’s presence in the house must be a secret, even though she is both Susan’s primary caregiver and her partner. Barbara feels the injustice acutely: “I have neighbors who have a partner who is not American, and they can bring their spouses, and I say, accept all; but I’m an American and I can’t get my own home country to accept my own partner.” Read more stories Human Rights Watch, Family Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Kevin and Vini

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Vini and I fell very much in love, and I realized this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And this, of course, presented some problems. He lives in São Paulo - I live in Washington. Without going into the long road we traveled, it was clear that due to the legal situation in the U.S., if this relationship was to be anything like what we both wanted, I would have to immigrate to Brazil. (Interestingly enough, my friend Chris was reaching the same conclusion about his life at the same time, and it's been nice to have someone to relate to in all of this.) So we thought it through very carefully, and luckily due to the fact that I am an international consultant who works entirely in Latin America and the Caribbean -- and have not really had to be in Washington for any professional reason for quite some time -- this would be a very easy scenario to imagine doing, and benefitting from. Especially since the cost of living in Brazil is half that of the U.S., and read more on Club Whirld (photo: Citizen Crain Blog)

Ricardo and Wayne

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I’m dying in my seat. I was totally petrified. We’re surrounded by all these military guys in broad daylight. Ricardo was so courageous. I wouldn’t have done that myself. He took my hand. He said, “Could you please have some compassion. This is my family. You could choose not to do this.” The border patrol officer was completely taken aback. The men made Ricardo step out. Wayne had to stay in the car, but could hear their voices: “You’re a very muscular guy; you’re not going to try anything, are you?” Ricardo notes, “They treat you like that all the time. Like you’re about to burst, like you’re an animal. You’re not supposed to move unless you’re told. “ Once inside [the detention facility], I just collapsed... Wayne Brown, forty-seven, a clinical social worker, lives in Florida at the moment. His partner Ricardo Espíndola is from Argentina and is unemployed. Wayne, a Canadian citizen, had been a lawful permanent U.S. resident for many years, working as program director of a large HIV/AIDS service group. Things took a wrong turn in late 2004 on a desert highway. Ricardo’s undocumented status came back to haunt him—and the couple was ripped apart. Read more Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Wade and Francis

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Wade Nichols and his Taiwanese partner Francis Shen, living together in what for Wade is exile in Taipei, had considered a fake marriage to stay together in the U.S. Francis has been harassed by U.S. immigration before. He says marrying is “a long shot, and then I’d have to go through immigration again, but that time it would be more difficult because I’d be lying. It was hard enough when I wasn’t lying. … It’s insane,” he adds. “The government would rather have people lie to them than be honest with them.” Read more Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Stephanie and Callie

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Whether traveling to meet, or trying to keep the foreign partner legally in the U.S., couples fear the power of U.S. immigration officers to break up their lives by stopping them at the border. Crossing customs is a constant reminder of how fragile their relationships are, absent legal recognition. Stephanie and Callie have been partners since 2003. Stephanie is a U.K. citizen, Callie from the U.S. For the first year, they exchanged visits, managing to spend months together at a time—but always knowing the days were limited. Stephanie says, “The airport is just the worst thing …. You always worry that you’re looking too shifty when you’re going through. You constantly worry you’ll be turned away, although you’re doing nothing.” We were always careful if we were traveling together not to carry any documents that showed us as a couple together, in any way. No letters, cards, photos even… We didn’t want to get caught—no, not “caught,” because we weren’t doing anything illegal. We never considered breaking the law, because we both wanted to do it completely legally. Read more Stopped at the Gate, Human Rights Watch - Family, Unvalued. (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Marco and Doug

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When Haxall and Aurelio first met at the 1998 West Hollywood Halloween festival, they knew there was an attraction, despite a significant language barrier. But they were determined to make their relationship work, even if it meant in the beginning they had to struggle to communicate. The pair soon found out English was the least of their problems, as Aurelio tried to take steps to get the legal protections needed for a noncitizen to stay in the country. Aurelio came to the U.S. on a tourist visa, but knew after meeting Haxall he wanted to stay with the man who had quickly become a part of his life. The two decided to move in together, and Aurelio made the snap decision to apply for a student visa, which meant the two men decided to make their relationship more permanent despite the struggles to communicate. Luckily, Haxall could help Aurelio financially with English-language classes and cosmetology schooling, which are expensive for international students. Still, there was a level of stress involved, because Aurelio continued to face deportation if he Read more No More Question Marks - Out 4 Immigration. (photo: Out4Immigration.org)

Nancy and Antje

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Whenever Antje and I travel to Germany together, we always do a rehearsal of what she will say when re-entering the United States. Even though all her papers are in order, she is completely legal and hasn't done anything wrong, we both get that feeling of paranoia that she is going to be detained, some official paper won't be recognized or she will in some way be harassed. I am always waved through and sit on the other side waiting....Straight couples in similar circumstances get married, and residency and work permits follow immediately. Lesbian and gay couples do not have this right. Finally, now, more than three years later, I'm "all set" with a good job and the prospect of being sponsored for a green card. There is sadness too, though, as my relief about being able to live with the woman I love is mixed with missing my home country, family, and close friends. Being a binational couple is no easy in any case. Being a lesbian binational couple, however, adds unfair legal treatment to the challenges you have to overcome. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive) Read more Binational Lesbian Couple in Seattle Shares Their Story in Public Education Effort.

Connie and Ayla

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I met my partner in February 2003 in Portland, Oregon. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Somehow I knew she would change my life forever. Before we planned our commitment ceremony, my partner informed me that in 2002 she had filed a claim for political asylum in the U.S. At first I had no idea of the impact this would have on us or how our future could possibly be affected. Then I did some research. My partner had passed the one-year deadline and it would be almost impossible to get past this legal challenge. I further found that there was no relief for same-sex couples under the law.

In January 2005 we were both forced to flee to Canada for protection. It is hard to quantify how it feels to be exiled from your own country. Yes we are safe, together, and grateful to this country for giving us that opportunity but we still have not been able to adjust. I think it has to do with the fact that we were essentially forced to live here. If we had a choice, we would still be home in the U.S. There is not a day that goes by that both of us yearn to be back home. As a U.S. citizen, I am still struggling to understand how my relationship is so threatening that it warrants being exiled. Our life at home was totally destroyed.

We had to leave our home, jobs, family, friends, and posses­sions behind. Our credit was literally devastated from attempting to stave off our departure and live a normal life at the same time.When we came to Canada, we had no support network, no place to stay, and no status. For almost three weeks we lived in a shelter. Neither of us had ever lived like that before and to this day it has affected us in a way that is hard to explain. [1] Connie and Ayla - American Exile Blog link: http://americaninexile.blogspot.com/ [2] Family, Unvalued Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. Human Rights Watch; May 2006 ISBN: 1-56432-336-6 link http://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/6.htm#_Toc132691975 (photo: Human Rights Campaign)

Anthony and Richard

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The couple were legally married in the state of Colorado on April 21, 1975, becoming one of six same-sex couples legally married by a Boulder city clerk. Later that year, Richard filed a petition to have Tony granted permanent residency as the spouse of a U.S. citizen. The petition was denied by the Immigration Service (INS), which responded, "You have failed to establish that a bona fide marital relationship can exist between two faggots." The couple then began a ten year legal battle, suing the Immigration Service and trying to stave off Tony's deportation. We pick up the story in 1979. Tony and Richard had sued the INS in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles alleging unconstitutional discrimination. Judge Hill ruled that as a gay couple they were not recognized as a marriage for immigration purposes. They appealed to the Court of Appeals. In 1980, Tony's application for suspension of deportation on the basis that separating him from Richard would constitute extreme hardship was denied by Judge Griffin. Again, Tony and Richard appealed the decision to the Board of Immigration Appeals.

On February 26, 1982 Tony Sullivan was celebrating his fortieth birthday when he received a telephone call from a journalist asking him for his reaction to the decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals in his case. Tony was stunned. The journalist informed him that the decision had been handed down a day before and was being widely reported in the media in San Francisco. Tony and Richard had lost their appeal. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive) Read more Anthony Sullivan & Richard Adams, Plaintiffs in 1982 Case Against INS, Celebrate 25th Anniversary.

Claire and Kathleen

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Claire cannot work here because she is on a visitor's visa. I've been a single parent for over ten years with no outside support. Claire looks for work, and has been on two job interviews. She is highly qualified, but with each passing day the tension grows as the expiration date of her visa grows nearer. She must find an employer to petition for her work visa. Our long term solution is to leave the United States and immigrate to Canada if no other options open up to allow to remain here together. Once Claire starts working we can save the money needed to send off the applications and to start a new life there. We'd like to move to Vancouver or Toronto, both of which are multi-cultural cities and have large lesbian communities. Choosing the right place to live for me is very important, not only as we are queer, but because Alicia is bi-racial. I get angry when I think that all three of us may be forced to leave our own countries to be together. We will leave behind all of our friends, families and colleagues and support network to face the challenge of creating a new life in a new country. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive) Read more Claire & Kathleen: Four Years After Meeting On The Way To A K.D. Lang Concert, This Chicago Couple Shares Their Story

Amara and Connie

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After Amara's visitor visa expired and her savings ran out, the long months stretched into years during which she was unable to work in her profession because she did not have a work permit. Slowly, Amara's self-esteem sank lower and lower, exacerbated by her increasing dependence on me for financial support. We spent many hours and resources trying to find a legal solution to our dilemma, including going to lawyers, entering the green card lottery, negotiating with potential employers, trying to get the latest information and contacting other couples in the same situation. Throughout our-year immigration struggle, it was extremely frustrating to realize that if I had the same rights as most of my fellow (heterosexual) American citizens, Amara and I could have married and gone on with our lives like other couples. Then in 1993, a large endometrial cyst on Amara's ovary burst and we were suddenly faced with the difficult decision of using the last of my savings, or sending her back to Germany for the operation necessary to remove the cyst, with the risk that she would not be allowed to enter the U.S. again and we would be separated for good. (photo: LGIRTF, Immigration Equality archive) Read more Reflections From A Binational Lesbian Couple in Oregon.

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One American.
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Americans take it for granted that if they fall in love with a foreigner, they will be able to sponsor their partner for residency in the United States. But there is no such option for same-sex couples. It simply does not matter how long a couple has been together, how devoted they are to each other or even if they are legally married in Massachusetts, California (before Prop 8) or a country that allows it; if the partners are the same sex, their relationship is irrelevant in the American immigration system. A matter of fact, if our marriages become known to an immigration official, it would be evidence enough (to them) of a reason to want to stay permanently in the U.S. and would be an automatic ground to deny our spouses entry, or even a visa in the future.



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Our goal is to collect as many stories and "faces" as possible, but iIf you don't feel comfortable showing your face for various reason, trust us, we understand. Don't let that stop you from submitting your story. Photos are important in our effort to put a face to the hardship that America has forced upon us, but so is your story. It's a tragedy in and of itself that fellow Americans have to resort to extremes when protecting their families' identity, but if you feel the need to obscure your photo before you submit your story, try something like this.
Living In Exile
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