Wendy and Belinda

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Wendy Daw, a U.S. citizen, is thirty-seven; Belinda Ryan, from Britain, is forty. We listened to them on a sunny afternoon in their modest home in California’s East Bay. “It’s time to speak out,” Belinda kept saying. They have become activists for the unrecognized rights of couples like themselves. Wendy tells how their love, and trouble, started: That first six months was pretty wonderful. I had just started at graduate school; Belinda had moved to this country; she was here in the Bay Area studying to be a helicopter pilot. And then she finished school. And that was when we started to realize the predicament: wow, this was serious. She was allowed to find a job under the student visa, so she started Read Belinda's and Wendy's Story (Part One)

We live with this so constantly that we lose track of how it affects us. I am not willing to put my energy into building up a really great practice or starting up an office or establishing myself really well—because there’s this sense that right when it starts to take off, we’ll leave, and I will have invested all that time and energy and money into a life that I will just have to walk away from… The profound effect it has all had, on the choices I have made in my life…I’m a good doctor, and I am not using it to the fullest. Of course, there’s no guarantee of anything in life. But here there’s something wrong—whether you go or stay is not your decision, is at the mercy of somebody else. … I come to realize it has had a really undermining effect on how I live my life.Some people say, Well, she has to leave, but you don’t have to. I say: If your husband got kicked out of the country, wouldn’t you go with him? They don’t recognize that Read Belinda's and Wend'ys Story (Part 2)

Visit: Out4Immigration.org

Scott and Joey

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It soon became apparent that there were NO meaningful ways under US immigration law for Joey and me to return to the States together. Student visas are difficult to get and temporal. Employment opportunities and the associated visas for his specialized profession are nonexistent. I realized I had no option other than to make China my home if I didn't want to leave Joey. We were certainly not welcome in the USA. As much as I didn't really want to live in China permanently it was better than living alone without Joey in the States. My two adult sons and sister in the States found it very hard to accept that I would not be returning home but they understood why, supported my decision, and were happy for me. Someday, I hope that we can live in the States together. Perhaps I shall at least live long enough for this displaced American to see it happen when my home country that so disillusions me now over-comes the homophobia that rages there today. Read more Out 4 Immigration (photo: Out4Immigration.org)

Marco and Doug

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When Haxall and Aurelio first met at the 1998 West Hollywood Halloween festival, they knew there was an attraction, despite a significant language barrier. But they were determined to make their relationship work, even if it meant in the beginning they had to struggle to communicate. The pair soon found out English was the least of their problems, as Aurelio tried to take steps to get the legal protections needed for a noncitizen to stay in the country. Aurelio came to the U.S. on a tourist visa, but knew after meeting Haxall he wanted to stay with the man who had quickly become a part of his life. The two decided to move in together, and Aurelio made the snap decision to apply for a student visa, which meant the two men decided to make their relationship more permanent despite the struggles to communicate. Luckily, Haxall could help Aurelio financially with English-language classes and cosmetology schooling, which are expensive for international students. Still, there was a level of stress involved, because Aurelio continued to face deportation if he Read more No More Question Marks - Out 4 Immigration. (photo: Out4Immigration.org)

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Americans take it for granted that if they fall in love with a foreigner, they will be able to sponsor their partner for residency in the United States. But there is no such option for same-sex couples. It simply does not matter how long a couple has been together, how devoted they are to each other or even if they are legally married in Massachusetts, California (before Prop 8) or a country that allows it; if the partners are the same sex, their relationship is irrelevant in the American immigration system. A matter of fact, if our marriages become known to an immigration official, it would be evidence enough (to them) of a reason to want to stay permanently in the U.S. and would be an automatic ground to deny our spouses entry, or even a visa in the future.



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Living In Exile
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